When you don’t know what to say

This is a touchy subject. It’s something I never thought I would personally have to go through. These are some of the things that were said to me after miscarriage and they weren’t helpful. I know they meant well and were trying to offer words of encouragement BUT it didn’t help.

1- “Well at least you weren’t too far along” Really? It still hurts. 7 weeks into a pregnancy or 9 months into a pregnancy, it’s still hard. There is no sweeter feeling than having a positive pregnancy test. Your mind immediately starts wondering what that child will be like, is it a boy or girl, baby names and looking forward to a growing belly. It’s an exciting time no matter how far along you are. 

2- “Maybe there was something wrong with the baby” Umm I DON’T CARE! I would’ve loved and cared for my child until my last breath regardless if “there was something wrong” a child is not a burden but a blessing. 

3- “You can always try again” You’re absolutely right, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less because I can try again. I asked my best friend what she would add. She has struggled with infertility. She adds that this is especially hard to hear. “Trying again doesn’t come easy. It is another month of either fertility treatments or you’re starting your process over again. It’s overwhelming and it hurts knowing that it may not happen at all.” So always remember you never know someone’s story. Trying again may not be as easy for some. 

4- “Maybe it just wasn’t your time to have a baby” hang on while I roll my eyes. I firmly believe in God’s timing and not mine. I know he is doing what is best for me even when I can’t understand why. Even when my soul aches for the baby I just lost, I trust in Him. It’s not your job to tell me “Maybe it wasn’t my time to have a baby”

If you’ve never suffered a miscarriage or the loss of a baby and you don’t know what to say to a woman who has, don’t say these things. 

A simple “I’m so sorry.” Or “I’m praying for you” or hug me tightly. Those things will do just fine. I love knowing someone is praying for me. I also like warm hugs 😉 

If you’ve struggled with child loss my heart goes out to you. I know the ache and pain that still creeps up no matter how long ago it was for you. I am praying for you. 

Hugs!